Just an Ordinary Day

I've spent a few days avoiding writing.I have tons of memories and thoughts swirling around in my mind all the time.  Memories I want to share with people,Things that were a part of my life.  I realized quickly how people can laugh and talk with you about the things their kids (and yours) do, but as soon as you mention a child that is dead, it gets awkward.  You're standing there, remembering something very real and probably enjoying that memory and you look at your audience.  There it is... the perky eyes, the uncomfortable smile, the nodding, them slightly holding their breath because they don't know what to say.  You feel stupid that you brought up that person, and Heaven forbid you let a tear fall and then you REALLY make them feel dumb.
I've not wanted to start writing because some of what I'm starting to get into is terribly painful for me.  I haven't been quite sure I could handle it, even though everyone in Teton Valley is very aware of my story.

One day, Tyler and I were talking about complicated things for his age, about his Mom and Dad and Me.  While we were talking, I suddenly remembered a time in high school when I was in keyboarding class.  I had been thinking how much I liked the name Tyler and one day I wanted to have a child with that name.  I kind of laughed it off because I wasn't even ready to have kids, and I had a cousin with the same name, so he might think I couldn't be original.  The solution came to me!  I would marry a man with a kid named Tyler.  Problem solved.  I imagined a sad, rich man with a young boy just searching for me.... I hoped he would wait a couple of years:)
As I was talking to him, all of this came back to me.  I felt like I had known we would be thrown together.

It was a warm September day in 2006.  I had lectured him just that morning about being where he was supposed to be.  He had a real knack for sneaking out, and sometimes being a real pain in the butt with my parenting.  We said prayers, I gave him one last "I mean it.  If I think you're on the bus, that's where you'd better be."
The kids left for school and I sat down to my Grape-Nuts and Readers Digest.  I felt this tug in my belly, once.  Twice.  I got up and went in my room.  I sat on the bed and said, "Heavenly Father, please watch over my children, and please help Tyler to make good choices."  I went back to my cereal.
The phone rang.  It was one of my BFFs (More on those in another blog).  She was anxious to know where Ty was.  I had gotten a few calls in my day about mischievous things he had done, so naturally, I sighed and asked what he did.  She insisted he was in an accident.  I was very calm and told her there was no way.  I had received no phone calls, and the police would have to call me.  Plus, he was on the bus.
I seriously didn't worry.  She called back.  She was giving me details and I was insisting she was wrong.  Life Flight can't just take a child without their parents knowing SOMETHING.  I called his phone dozens of times, but I figured the bus was too loud.  Kids were talking about this "accident," so he couldn't answer.
Aaron stayed home sick that day, so I left Maddie with him and I told him I would be back in a minute.  I needed to get to the bottom of things.
As I drove down the road, I could see that there certainly was something big that happened.  I wondered how I could be so close to the commotion, but had no clue that anything had happened.  Cars were lined up for nearly a mile.  I was impatient to get there.  I saw a friend of mine and she flagged me over.  She said, "I was just coming to get you."  Nobody would come and get me unless there was a reason.  I passed cars on the gravel road and parked at the main source of the congestion.  I jumped out of my car, barrelling my way to an officer.  Of course, they have people in place to keep crazies like me back.  I didn't know they could move so fast!  I didn't know how much strength I actually had in me to push back.  I started off politely, "I'm really sorry, but I need to know if my son was in this accident?"  They kept pushing me back.  "You don't understand, I will go as soon as I know if my son was in that car!"  He exasperatedly asked, "What's your son's name?"  My voice didn't hold.  I still don't know what I expected them to say.  The sheriff saw me and nodded his head.  Their tone was now different.  They weren't keeping out some crazy,  they were keeping out a crazy mother that needed to be kept calm.  As a paramedic explained that Tyler had a "cut on his neck" and they took him in Life Flight to make sure he could get help quicker, I noticed his boots that were covered in blood.  He was calm and soothing.  He instructed me to get my husband and meet the Life Flight an hour and a half away in Idaho Falls.
This dear friend stood with me in the highway, holding my shoulders the whole time, then drove me to get James.  Seven years later I would stand in her doorway and hug her as I cried for her child.
I vaguely noticed the school buses that were stopped in front of where I was causing a spectacle and was completely unaware of what they would be saying to my children that day once they got to school.
We spoke to a nurse that said he would be fine.  He had a cut from ear to ear, but the surgeon was getting him fixed.  We were very relieved, but wondered why in the world he would be flown for a cut?
When the surgeon came out to talk to us, it was a much different story.  Tyler's head had gone through the windshield after the car he was a passenger in rear ended a vehicle.  When his head came back into the car, the windshield severed his neck from ear to ear, nicking the carotid artery.

Now, you can look at this any way you choose.  But this is my story and I'm going to tell you the way I know it.  So many miracles happened that day.  "How?!"  You might ask.  Well, I'll tell you.
When the ambulance call came in, a DOCTOR decided he wanted to go along.  Because he was a doctor, he was able to place Tyler in a temporary coma and intubate at the scene.
Life Flight landed on the highway.  Average flight time just from Driggs to IF is 19 minutes.  Hospital staff said they got there in less than 10.
Tyler had the presence of mind to wrap his shirt around his neck and sit down.
A millimeter stood in the way of his carotid artery being severed.  That's the thickness of a piece of paper.
My son was alive.

The secretary at the elementary school got to my kids before their classmates did.  She asked me how I wanted them to handle it, and they did it beautifully.  I'm so lucky to live where I do!!  No red tape, no "procedures" at a time like this.  Another friend (and lunch lady!) Drove the kids home for me and brought them all lunch.  I don't remember asking my friend to watch my kids, but she did.  Meals were brought by.  People were willing to watch them and run them around while we sat at the hospital night after night.
When we came home that first night, we tucked our kids in bed and James hugged me.  "We could have been planning a funeral tonight."

Two days later, they discovered that his tongue had been severed as well as nerves in his neck and throat.  They had to do another surgery to reattach those and hope for repair.
He was very drugged up but he would get very urgent to get a message across to me .  He could only write...really bad.
The note to me said          Sorry       No seat belt          No bus
He would do this to me a few times and each time I told him it was OK.  My mom told me that he needed to understood that I really got his apology.  The next time I got the note, I said, "Yeah, I know!  You weren't on the bus that you were supposed to be!  We talked about it that morning and you said, "I know, Mom."  And why the hell weren't you wearing your seat belt?!  That's always been my rule! But it's OK.  You enjoy your time here, because once you get home, you are so grounded.  Forever.  I'm gonna get you better, just to kick your butt once you get home."  He smiled, nodded and laid back.  I smiled.  He knew I got his apology. He knew my sarcasm.  Maybe my calm demeanor unnerved him.
 His dad would draw pictures of elk hunting and drive Ty nuts that he was stuck in that bed.  He looked forward to friends visiting, but I don't think anyone understood the severity of the situation. They had transfused blood as fast as he was lost it.  A nurse said he lost enough to die twice.  He definitely had some brain and head injuries he would be dealing with. But they just wanted him to go back to being Ty.
I have literally been reduced to tears seeing Life Flight.  Knowing that somebody's life is changed at that moment. Will the family get to go home and be relieved that they won't be planning a funeral, or will they have to?  For some reason, this experience in my life is still very fresh to me, and the memories of it cause me to cry rather easily.  It was a day things were so bad and scary for all of us, and unless you're a strong family, it doesn't bring you closer together.  That statistic is true.